Just keep swimming...

Hey everyone! Happy summer!! My last post was on April 24, and I am kind of annoyed at myself for not updating my blog. That's a long time!!

Weight today- 151.6. Yes, yes... I have struggled the past few months at losing weight. 5.4 pounds in 2 and a half months is pretty pathetic, but in all fairness to myself, today is Monday, and on Friday, I was 149.6. And then this weekend I partied ALLL weekend which was really not helpful, but I got it out of my system (including Friday-into-Saturday when I partied until 8 a.m.). I am pretty convinced the 2 pound increase was water retention and the pizza that I ate on Saturday. (Pizza is a well-known cure for hangovers). But I was super good all day today, and I am guessing I will be around 150.2 or so tomorrow morning. Therefore, in the last 2.5 months, I have lost about 7-8 pounds, which is about average (3 pounds a month).

CRAZY changes have happened in the last few months, so, even though the weight loss has been super super slow, I am very glad I have actually lost weight and not gained it or stayed the same. We had family tragedy strike, I had a couple of unhappy moments with close friends, sad news from other close friends, SEVERAL bouts of depressed loneliness, EXTREME stress from work (it's gotten really bad), and I am starting my own business. So, with everything that's going on, I guess I should stop bitching that I haven't lost all that much weight and focus on my achievement of losing ANYTHING (although, I have maintained this same weight for the last month).

Anyway, I am now a size 6, which is in-fucking-credible!! I have never been this small! Remember those black Charlotte Russe pants I mentioned in one of my previous blogs? They are soooo HUGE on me now! I still wear them to work because I need dress pants and can't afford all the new clothes I need. Plus the fact that I still have about 20 pounds to go, it would be kind of pointless to spend a fortune on clothes that I am going to outgrow (outgrow?? Outshrink??? What is the right word??). Although, I DID spend a moderate fortune a few weeks ago. I needed summer clothes BAAAAAD. I had 2 pairs of jeans which were pretty big on me. NO shorts, and no summery tops. So I went to Sears and American Eagle and bought a bunch of cute stuff and spent close to $300. ALL of the tops are size SMALL!!!! Yes.... that's right! SMALL!!! I would feel wretched about spending that much on clothes that will outgrow/outshrink me, but since I bought a bunch of size small tops, they should still fit me when I am 20 pounds lighter, right?? I mean, what size is smaller than a small???

So anyway, I am a size 6 in jean shorts from American Eagle (although, truth be told, they are a little snug) so I am excited to see what happens when I keep shedding the pounds!! 133 here I come!!

Frustration, set backs, douchebag exes.

I know it's been about 2 months since I posted last. I didn't read back over my last blog so I have no idea how much I weighed then but I think it was in the low 160s. I havent lost much in that time which really pisses me off. The lowest I got down to was 154, and that was this past Saturday. Sadly, however, on Sunday night I binged and yesterday I was 160. Today I was 157. Who knows what I am going to be tomorrow, but, for the moment, I am really motivated.

It's truly amazing how a conversation with your parasitical vermin of an ex motivates the hell out of you to diet, lose weight, work your ass off at the gym, and to get hot. If you are having problems staying motivated in your weight loss regimen, I highly recommend utilizing this strategy and you too will embrace and enjoy the burn in your limbs as you pump iron, do crunches, and lower yourself into lunges all day at the gym! Disclaimer: You may also feel the strong sensation to drink HEAVILY after such a riveting conversation with aforementioned douchebag; however, doing so will not help you with your ultimate goal to flaunt your hot bod in their general direction so that they weep and lament in their own pathetic, parasitical existence.
So, my dear ones, it is no longer enough to just say "No" to fluffy. It is proper (nay, necessary!) to yell and scream "NOOOOOOOOOO!" to fluffiness, fatness, "not looking hot"-ness, and douchebag vermin maggoty ex boyfriends (or girlfriends... whatever) so that we can better equip ourselves to be able to waltz our hot asses right in front of the world, swishing and swaying a silent "Fuck You!!!" to all of those individuals who have shit for brains.

Another month, another few pounds lost

This morning's weight: 162.2

After 28 days, I have managed to lose 6 pounds. >:-( I know that I should be proud of my achievements. 6 pounds is about 1.5 pounds a week. I know in my head that this is what is considered "healthy weightloss", which essentially means that I am more liable to keep off the weight since it is going so damn slowly. But DAMN IT!! I want it to go FASTER!!!!

My goal for this month was to be 160 by February 29 (tomorrow). For a while there, I honestly, truly thought I was going to be in the mid 150s by tomorrow because a few weeks ago, I was hauling ASS! I was SO incredibly motivated and I lost like 4.5 pounds in ONE week. Then, last week, I got sick with strep throat and the only thing I ate was clam chowder and french onion soup. It was truly delicious, but as a result, I am the same weight as I was 2 weeks ago!!! *grumble grumble*.

I figure that I will probably be 159.8-ish by Thursday, March 1, provided that I do not cheat on my diet tomorrow night. I am supposed to have a dinner meeting with a friend, and since those drag ON and ON, I always get hungry and cranky and want to nibble something. I am trying to figure out how to avoid that. Anyway, I suppose being one day over my goal isn't tooooo bad. I will start the month in a new weight bracket, so that's comforting.

Despite my bitching and negativity, I am very happy that I have come so far. So many people have said how great I look and how "incredible" it is that I lost so much weight. I appreciate the encouragement, although, I must admit, at the same time I get embarrassed. I can't help but think "Damn it!!! My fluffiness really WAS that noticeable." I know it's silly. 30 pounds is a lot. People are bound to notice that shit. The crazy thing is I still have about 30 to go. I am not sure if I want to end up being 130 or 135. Somewhere in the middle is cool, I guess. So whatever. For calculation's sake, I am going to say my end goal weight is 133. As such, I only have 29.2 pounds to lose. 29.2 sounds so much better than 30!

At this rate, I should hit 130 by the end of May. I really really really really hope I can beat that goal!! I just need to keep reminding myself to say "No!" to fluffy (and food).

*Side note: I went out on Saturday to celebrate the Oscars with some of my friends and I bought a new dress. Not just ANY dress... I rewarded my weightloss by going out shopping on Rodeo Dr. I went to the store and picked it out and went into the dressing room and thought "Who am I kidding?! Why am I embarrassing myself?! I am never going to fit into this!!!" But I'll be damned if I didn't fit into it!! And it wasn't one of those dresses where it's like "Yeah I can fit into it, but I can't fucking breathe and my muffin tops are spilling out the sides!!!" No no no.... it was one of those dresses where it's like "HOT DAMN!!!! If fashion was porn, this dress would be the MONEY SHOT!" So yeah... I bought it and wore it and I didnt even have to wear a girdle!!!!

Side note #2: Even though I am frustrated that I am not 160 yet, I am pretty happy when I look at my Body Mass Index (BMI) and see that I am now officially considered to be within the "normal weight" range. I am 5'8 and weigh 162.2 which means that I have a BMI of 24.7! Normal range is anywhere between 18.5-24.9. So, although I am just BARELY into the normal weight range, the point is I am actually there! When I was 225, my BMI was 34.2! So, yeah... I am quite happy that I am finally within what is considered the "normal range" and that I am going to be there for the rest of my life!!

Good news and Bad news

I realize that it has been a while since I posted last. In that time, I have aged another year, lost some weight, gained some muscle, and gotten drunk on multiple occassions. So, with regard to my "weight removal" news, here goes:

Weight: 168. Yes, this is skinnier than I have been since HIGH SCHOOL. I am quite excited to be under 170. I have maintained this weight for a few weeks (more or less... I splurged on my birthday weekend, went back up to 172, and then dropped down to 169 within 2 days) and can say my official weight is "in the 160's). So... this is my good news.

Bad news: I was looking at the "Half My Size" January edition of People Magazine and they have pictures in there of various people who weighed a lot and then lost LITERALLY half of their own body weight and look amazing now. Well, there are several women in there who are my height (5'8"). Their weights varied between 125-160. I noticed that the women who were 5'8 and 149-ish were still more, well, "plump" than I would like to be when I lose all my weight. I mean, they are certainly a healthy weight for being 5'8, but I would like to be healthy AND look, well, HOT!! So I talked it over with my trainer tonight and he said that he thinks for my height I would look HOT! at around 135. That was pretty consistent with what I saw in the pictures.

So..... to make a long story short, instead of having to lose 18 more pounds, I now get to lose 33 more pounds. Yay. Can you tell how excited I am? No, seriously. It's been hard enough coming THIS far and I thought I was in the homestretch, had already rounded third base and was about to slide into homeplate but NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I am just barely rounding second!!! But... I shall persevere and try to stay positive.

If I make it to 135, I will have lost a total of 90 pounds!!!!!!!!! Holy fucking crap! That's the weight of an obese child!! That's almost the weight of Kate Moss! I think thats about what Kirstie Alley lost and she is exactly my height. So..... yeah..... stick with me, because I got another 30 to go!

IT'S WORKING!!

Ok so I have been pretty perfect when it comes to eating this week. I did go out and drink on Tuesday but I only drank vodka/Diet Coke and I didn't grub afterwards. This morning I got on the scale and I am 170 EVEN!!! (I weigh myself about 3 or 4 times and take the average weight so I ended up deciding that I am 170.2, but the FIRST weight was 170 even). Oh happy day!! I have the day off today for Christmas break so I work with my trainer at 10 this morning. Talk about a serious motivator!!

Also, I was proud of myself last night as well. My co-workers invited me to happy hour since it was the last work day before Christmas and I really wanted to go. However, I didn't work out on Wednesday because I was hungover from Tuesday and I promised myself that I would work out on Thursday. I was seriously torn about what I was going to do. I knew that there was no way I could only go for "just one" drink. And I knew that if I had more than one drink I would NEVER work out. So then one of my co-workers (who also was not going to happy hour) said "Well, no one regrets going to the gym." She was right. So, I got in my car and left the scene. We will probably go to happy hour next week, but I am glad I was able to say no so that I could go work out instead. :-) Being at this weight is giving me motivation not to pig out at Christmas this year!!

OHHHHHHHHH.... one more thing. Can I just say that not only are my clothes beginning to fit me better, etc etc, but they are actually fitting me differently???? Case in point: I have this pair of black pants I bought at Charlotte Russe a couple years ago. They are size 10R. When I bought them, I could fasten them and everything but (and I am sorry if this is TMI) I had a slight problem. In addition to saying "No" to Fluffy, we women need to say "No" to Toe. Yes, ladies, these pants were a problem. I was CONVINCED that the pants at Charlotte Russe just werent made for my body structure. I mean, I was a size 10 (sort of.... they were tight) but clearly, these pants were not wearable!! So anyway, flash forward to now, with all of the working out and dieting (I NEVER used to work out... my muscles are non existant) my body is not just slimming down. It's actually changing its structure if that makes any sense! I put on the Charlotte Russe pants and, lo and behold, no toe! They are still a little tiny bit snug, but I can fasten them with no straining, heaving or panting. I do not have muffin tops hanging out. The pockets do not bulge as I wear them. I am quite impressed and may even wear them to work one of these days! The moral of the story is: Lifting weights and working out isn't actually that bad!!!!

Now if I can just get up off my ass to do cardio. THAT is my biggest stumbling block at this point. I do NO cardio. I wonder if my trainer is going to get wise. :-/

Numbers Don't Lie...

I officially ended my 2nd week of training and we took my measurements, weight, and body fat percentage. My weight is about the same as it was last wekk. In all fairness, this is probably due to the pizza i ate on Tuesday night. Yes, I know.... I was unable to say no to Fluffy. (But, in all fairness to me, I simply HAD to try Domino's new cheese stuffed breadsticks, and if you order them with a medium pizza, it only comes out to $13!!)

Despite my weight staying the same, I have officially lost 1.6% body fat since last Friday! Woo hoo!!!!! I am well on my way to being a non-fluffy member of society!

I survived....

Had my first night with my trainer... and it wasn't so bad! Granted, the first 30-35 minutes we were doing paperwork, taking measurements, etc and then we spent only about 20-25 minutes doing weights, but it wasn't so bad! I have a bad feeling that I am going to be hating him in a couple days when I actually spend a whole hour with him working out, but tonight I am counting my blessings.

The interesting thing is that I had a HORRIBLE day at work. Like, the WORST day in MONTHS which culminated in tears in front of two co-workers/friends. If I didn't have an appointment with a trainer, I know what I would have done. Come home, poured a VERY stiff vodka-Diet Coke (the Diet Coke is really only for color), thrown on a mindless comedy, and proceeded to get sloshed. Then, I would have had a drunken argument with myself about the virtues of ordering 2 medium pizzas from Dominos. Not that I can eat two medium pizzas in one sitting, mind you, but 2 mediums are only 5.99 each! What a deal! And, let's be honest, to a depressed, drunken fluffy girl, 2 medium pizzas will surely cure all the woes of an otherwise horrid and misbegotten day! However, thanks to the appointment with the trainer, I did not do this. Instead, I had a grilled chicken breast while I sat in front of an episode of South Park. Then, after coming back from the gym, I had a dark chocolate protein shake (my trainer said this would help with the inevitable soreness).

One of my friends said the exercise would make me feel better about my crappy day. Well, she was wrong. I still had a crappy day and I truly believe "endorphins" are a myth reserved by stick insect creatures who claim that they get "high" off of working out. Weirdos! But, undoubtedly, I made a better decision by working out. Neither working out nor getting shnockered changed anything about my otherwise horrible, wretched day, so, at the end of the day, I am trying to be proud of the fact that I made the better decision. Maybe it will hit me tomorrow. Tomorrow morning, I will only have to deal with the memory of a shitty workday as opposed to the memory of a shitty work day in addition to my perpetuation of eternal fluffiness.

I don't work out with my trainer tomorrow, though, so hopefully I don't have a crappy day tomorrow. Otherwise, I may just say "yes" to that double date with Mr. Stolichnaya and Mr. Domino. :-/